June 22, 2011

You say STOP THAT, I say no.

I don't know much about cats.  That probably sounds strange coming from someone who feeds 142,586 strays every day plus Baby Daddy and has had sole custody of The Kitteh for 7 years.  But that honestly sums up my knowledge of how to care for them~  feed them when they scream, feed them when they don't scream, and pet them when they smack you in the face purring.

On top of becoming the accidental crazy cat lady, and probably because of my endless need to be as educated ignored as possible, I can now add trained Cat Whisperer to my resume. 

"That is not your space.  GETDOWNrightnow."  
"This is my lunch.  GetyourPAWSOFFmyplate." 
"My plants are not a litterbox.  Gopoopinthewoods."
"StoptearingupthetoiletpaperorIwillfeedyoutothegiantdobermanupthestreet."

Now I know what you are thinking and yes, to humans it probably does sound a lot like screaming...but that's only because it IS screaming.

Cat whispering is hard, y'all.   I might as well go stick my head in the pond out back and be a fish whisperer.  I bet I could at least make them stop jacking up the toilet paper. 

And then there's this...Which is totally "aaaaaw!!!  Precious kitty trusts mama so much she'll bare her big fat pink belly!"



Except I am quite sure this just is part of  The Kitteh's master plan, because she knows playing the cuteness card makes humans lose their ability to reason.  Which means she can now easily hypnotize me into believing she isn't plotting to own the world.  Or at least the things in her world...to include my kitchen bar, my lunch, my beads, and every damn roll of toilet paper I bring into this house.


And stop calling me JamesEarlJones.

~~

6 comments:

  1. Oh you are owned by the kitteh not the other way around. When you get that knowledge you may be able to save the toilet paper with the proper attention that they so demand. However taking her to the shiny shack is probably not a good option who knows what she can do in there! LOL

    ReplyDelete
  2. lol...darn Kitteh anyway! I have an adopted Kitty...she was my grandsons he called her Le Lo and when he moved he couldn't take her...I didn't want Kitty going to the shelter so she has been mine for about 8 yrs now...she is a nasty,self centered, bossy, Kitty(I do not call her LeLo), who thinks she is human, the only good thing is she never touched the toilet paper!!! Don't tell anyone but I think she is so cute when she lays on her back with all 4's in the air... :~)

    Have a great day...
    Cheers

    ReplyDelete
  3. Sistah - I am known as the "Cat Lady of Warrington", because I have fed and cared for many many cats over the years. Currently, there are only 4 outside and 3 inside. I am lucky that they have not discovered the toilet paper yet (I hope they are not reading this), but the outdoor cats think my flower bed is a little box. We have a fence (looks like a fort) around it. Very beautiful to look at - at least it doesn't stink up the patio!

    ReplyDelete
  4. LOL! When my cat lies like that I call him a slut (did I really say that out loud?)

    ReplyDelete
  5. Lori - you took the words right out of my mouth!!!

    ReplyDelete