August 6, 2012

The rest of the recent story that is my life~

Six years ago I told God I wanted to own a home.  A few months (and lots of running and doing and trying) later I signed the paperwork on something that was to be mineminemine all mine gimmemine!  Those of you who have experienced opening your very own door with your very own key to a home of your very own know the excitement and joy I felt that day.

A few years later the economy tanked and took my livelihood with it.  The past 2 years have been a constant daily struggle for me.  A rollercoaster ride of anger and stress and feeling like a failure and whys?~ balanced only by the faith in my purpose, in the knowing that I was gifted with as a teenager that I was without question created to be here for a reason.  Faith is not without stumbling blocks, and even after having lain prostrate on the floor crying and praying until I had no words left I still had no answer.  God was silent, and I found myself in a depression I couldn't break free from.

I've lost my house.  It took a long time for me to be able to say those words out loud, let alone share them with anyone else.  It wasn't a decision I came to easily.  It is never a decision someone comes to easily.  Ultimately it comes down to what matters most and for me that is and will always be the whispering voice that lives inside~ the culmination of the divine gifts God chose to give me.  Whatever else happens, wherever I find myself in this life, I will live honoring those gifts as best as I can for as long as I am able.

When I realized the truth of that, I was filled with peace...and the beautiful relief of somehow knowing the test was over...that the teacher had not left the room but instead had allowed me the time I needed to study.

My life has afforded so many firsts, so many adventures, so many moments of joy, so many moments of sorrow.  So Many Manies.  It is a blessing to be so consumed, sometimes by a will that differs from my own~ a will that has plans for me beyond on my understanding ~ plans that always get me exactly where I didn't know I always wanted to go.  For that, I am immeasurably grateful.

I may not be where I thought I would, but I'm right where I belong~ in my Father's arms.

I hope you are, too.



  1. This is me giving you a great big hug, Miss Juls. I like your perspective on all of this. You are right were you need to be. And often when we pray we are seeking an answer that is not to be given to us, that the lesson as you so eloquently noted is felt in a whisper and not a roar and that sometimes we are just given the space and time and place that God knows we really need to grow. I know that this has been so very hard for you and I am sending you my thoughts to let you know that you are never alone. Much love and light to you Miss Juls. Enjoy the day. Erin

  2. A peaceful mind and heart are a wondrous thing. They don't always happen. I'm glad they happened to you.

  3. Hi Juli,
    I am so glad that you have found the peace and the knowledge that you are here for a purpose that only He knows for sure what it is, and that you are able to move on in life. I too found that inner peace and I know that losing my house was just a step in the path that He has laid down for me. We are here Juli and not just making a difference in our own lives, but the lives of those we come in contact with. Keep on keeping on my friend the road may be rough at times, but you have the strength which He provides to get over those rough patches.

  4. Wowza...your ability to reframe the situation is inspiring. I think that you have gifts galore - in addition to your talent as an artist - and it is so awesome that you can ultimately keep the perspective that allows you to be grateful for your gifts. I know I constantly have to remind myself to have an attitude of gratitude more often. Beadlove to you, my sistah!!! And a great big hug too!

  5. Just think - you lived one dream and are now building up to the next. How cool. Not to minimize your recent pain in any way, but there's lots of freedom in letting go, isn't there? (I'm facing a similar situation, within the next year.) So glad you're blogging again!

  6. It's ironic that you posted this today of all days because the bank that's taking back our house had the auction today. So, as far as I know, we no longer own our house. Which is great because we don't live there anymore! HA! I had exactly the same feeling of release and calm when we decided to do what we did. And being near my daughter & her family has made my life, our life, full of joy and love again. We missed our family a lot when we lived in Houston. Now we see them! Hug them! Kiss them! Have meals, babysit, shoot the breeze. Normal living stuff. In Houston we were just existing. Now we're living. And so are you. I love that. And love playing WWF with you! I think you are a wonderful soul and am grateful for getting to know you! Go on and LIVE, Juli -- like you always have but without those worries!