Six years ago I told God I wanted to own a home. A few months (and lots of running and doing and trying) later I signed the paperwork on something that was to be mineminemine all mine gimmemine! Those of you who have experienced opening your very own door with your very own key to a home of your very own know the excitement and joy I felt that day.
A few years later the economy tanked and took my livelihood with it. The past 2 years have been a constant daily struggle for me. A rollercoaster ride of anger and stress and feeling like a failure and whys?~ balanced only by the faith in my purpose, in the knowing that I was gifted with as a teenager that I was without question created to be here for a reason. Faith is not without stumbling blocks, and even after having lain prostrate on the floor crying and praying until I had no words left I still had no answer. God was silent, and I found myself in a depression I couldn't break free from.
I've lost my house. It took a long time for me to be able to say those words out loud, let alone share them with anyone else. It wasn't a decision I came to easily. It is never a decision someone comes to easily. Ultimately it comes down to what matters most and for me that is and will always be the whispering voice that lives inside~ the culmination of the divine gifts God chose to give me. Whatever else happens, wherever I find myself in this life, I will live honoring those gifts as best as I can for as long as I am able.
When I realized the truth of that, I was filled with peace...and the beautiful relief of somehow knowing the test was over...that the teacher had not left the room but instead had allowed me the time I needed to study.
My life has afforded so many firsts, so many adventures, so many moments of joy, so many moments of sorrow. So Many Manies. It is a blessing to be so consumed, sometimes by a will that differs from my own~ a will that has plans for me beyond on my understanding ~ plans that always get me exactly where I didn't know I always wanted to go. For that, I am immeasurably grateful.
I may not be where I thought I would, but I'm right where I belong~ in my Father's arms.
I hope you are, too.