K is for Taxes.

If you'd like to argue the accuracy of the title, please come back tomorrow and we can have a giant bitchfest.  Right now I'm kinda busy trying to be a grown up.

~~

38 Somewhat Helpful tips on How to File Your Taxes:

#1 ~ Don't wait until the day they are due. 

#36 ~ Unless you are me.

#22 ~ Don't wait to decide on April 15th 18th

that shoving postal receipts in the glove box

of your Jeep for a year

is probably not the most efficient

way to handle a year's worth

of postal receipts.

#54 ~ Because then you will have to

sort through a whole bunch

of other non taxy type receipts

just to find the year's worth of

of postal receipts.

#18 ~ Forget every I will definitely remember to look HERE

location in your house where you shoved other

random receipts throughout the year.

#75 ~ Dump every non clothes-holding drawer in your house

on the floor because what you really need

is another pile of random crap and paper

through which to sort.

#89 ~ Clean a space in the floor because there isn't a

table top surface large enough on which

to attempt the organization of

so many things you have

not kept organized for

12 months.

#4 ~ Take a break to update your FB status

letting everyone know you win the

Tax Procrastinator award.

#17 ~ Kill an hour chatting about the fact

that you are supposed to be doing your taxes.

#10 ~ Look at all those piles of paper

and try to psyche yourself up

by pretending you are still 8 years old

and playing Secretary.

#40~  Start thinking about bacon.

#103 ~ Leave to go procure a bacon biscuit

and a 12 pack of Dr Pepper.

#11 ~ Eat the bacon while writing a

blog post that now focuses on bacon.

#63 ~ Find other stuff to do,

and only after you have exhausted

every possible distraction

(including cleaning your toothbrush)

(and feeding bananas to your imaginary monkey)

sit down in the middle of the receipts spread

out on the floor.

#33 ~ Make sure the cute puppy Supervisor

is nearby for belly petting interruptions.

#17 ~ Suddenly remember you still have to print

the Paypal and supplier purchase receipts

that you didn't feel like printing

at the time of actual purchases.

#456 ~ Make a mental note to be better about that next year.

#92 ~ Laugh at the absurdity of having just made the

same mental note that you made last year.

#21 ~ Print 56 receipts while reading blogs

and wishing you had more bacon.

#101 ~ Lug out your cash register to run tapes on

the various receipt categories

because the adding machine that

didn't work last time

is surprisingly

still broken.

#0 ~ Call your accountant

and hope for the best.

~~