38 Somewhat Helpful tips on How to File Your Taxes:
#1 ~ Don't wait until the day they are due.
#36 ~ Unless you are me.
#22 ~ Don't wait to decide on April
that shoving postal receipts in the glove box
of your Jeep for a year
is probably not the most efficient
way to handle a year's worth
of postal receipts.
#54 ~ Because then you will have to
sort through a whole bunch
of other non taxy type receipts
just to find the year's worth of
of postal receipts.
#18 ~ Forget every I will definitely remember to look HERE
location in your house where you shoved other
random receipts throughout the year.
#75 ~ Dump every non clothes-holding drawer in your house
on the floor because what you really need
is another pile of random crap and paper
through which to sort.
#89 ~ Clean a space in the floor because there isn't a
table top surface large enough on which
to attempt the organization of
so many things you have
not kept organized for
#4 ~ Take a break to update your FB status
letting everyone know you win the
Tax Procrastinator award.
#17 ~ Kill an hour chatting about the fact
that you are supposed to be doing your taxes.
#10 ~ Look at all those piles of paper
and try to psyche yourself up
by pretending you are still 8 years old
and playing Secretary.
#40~ Start thinking about bacon.
#103 ~ Leave to go procure a bacon biscuit
and a 12 pack of Dr Pepper.
#11 ~ Eat the bacon while writing a
blog post that now focuses on bacon.
#63 ~ Find other stuff to do,
and only after you have exhausted
every possible distraction
(including cleaning your toothbrush)
(and feeding bananas to your imaginary monkey)
sit down in the middle of the receipts spread
out on the floor.
#33 ~ Make sure the cute puppy Supervisor
is nearby for belly petting interruptions.
#17 ~ Suddenly remember you still have to print
the Paypal and supplier purchase receipts
that you didn't feel like printing
at the time of actual purchases.
#456 ~ Make a mental note to be better about that next year.
#92 ~ Laugh at the absurdity of having just made the
same mental note that you made last year.
#21 ~ Print 56 receipts while reading blogs
and wishing you had more bacon.
#101 ~ Lug out your cash register to run tapes on
the various receipt categories
because the adding machine that
didn't work last time
#0 ~ Call your accountant
and hope for the best.