July 25, 2013


It is 2 am here, and I've been up since 8 am.  My bestie's bday was today...yesterday now...so there was lunch and finding a way to celebrate and then work and then sitting down and trying to figure out how to put a positive spin on my absence here for the last few weeks before coming to the realization that it just is what it is.

I'll sum it up quickly by saying that it involved being the caretaker...cleaning literal shit off the floor every morning, changing diapers and sheets while she lay there staring straight at me sucking down Dr Pepper letting me know another change would be happening almost immediately.  It involved things I'm not capable of, things none of us should be capable of....the kind of sacrifice you make because you love, because you are also incapable of doing anything less.  Even when the person you are doing it for is not the one laying in the bed throwing shit all over the floor.

And that best friend I mentioned a minute ago?  There have been 3 deaths in her family in the last 3 weeks.  For that I have absolutely no words.

I'm behind on pretty much everything.  I've been slow to get packages out.  I've been slow to respond to emails. I'm late on my bills.  I'm late on the fish giveaway winner.  I've sent every phone call that wasn't pertinent to right now real life straight to voicemail.

And I'm sorry for all of it, except maybe I'm not.  Maybe I don't have the energy.

Except I'm tying this.  So I guess I do, and I am.


  1. Those rough roads are hard to travel. Sometimes crawling is involved. Do what you have to do - no apologies required.

  2. I'll be praying for you and your friend.
    Some things are just more important that others, and it looks alike my on have chosen to honor those. Which, is good.
    God bless you, sustain you, and encourage you.

  3. Praying for you and all involved. I competley understand how you are feeling right now. We too are having extremely difficult times right now. My husband and I were just saying how sometimes in life you walk thru "s..t", I said that now it is so much I feel like we need to wear hip waders to get thru it all....I am ready for some ankle boots or even better flip flops. Hoping you can wear flip flops really soon to wade thru your journey. We just need to lean on and trust in God, may He bless you and yours and give yuou peace and encouragement during this difficult time.
    Hugs for you.

  4. Sending healing light and caring thoughts your way, Miss Juls. Please know that you are loved and that what you are doing is the epitome of love. Lots of hugs and happiness to you. Find your 'something good' each day to help you cope. Enjoy the day. Erin

  5. sending hugs, for whatever is going on. remember to breathe. just breathe.

  6. I'm sorry for the major hurdles in your road right now. I to have been the caretaker, for someone not in MY immediate family. The energy it takes is overwhelming. The resentment from my charge for (A) not being able to care for herself and (B)being someone other than the people who SHOULD have been the caretakers.i wish I had some advice. All I can say is....try everyday to have at least 5 min alone just for you. You must take care of yourself first. Love and prayers from me to you!

    Angi Mullis dj2isme@aol.com

  7. Love, light... and Captain Morgan. ;) And if the Captain is a hottie... even better! (P.S. this is where you snap a selfie with said hottie and text it to your friend Dawn) tee hee Sending strength, hope and lots of creative love your way sister! Until we can bead together and laugh... I'm here as your rock through the shit life throws at you. Always! xo

  8. Oh my, oh my. I'm so, so sorry to hear the news! :(

    I wish I had any sort of encouragement to give, but I'm honestly not sure of the words to say. So, I'll continue praying for you (I've been missing your posts, and I figured something might be going on)... No need to apologize, just know that the internet cares for you.

    Love and prayers from Ohio!

  9. Geez, I had no idea you were going through this. I sensed something was up but this is big stuff. I'm sorry you've had to go through it all. Your friend must be heartbroken and I'm glad she had you for the birthday. Although the pair of you might not have been the chirpiest birds in the tree, you were there together helping each other. Bless you, sweet Juli!

  10. The ups and downs of be a wonderful woman! Seems it doesn't matter who it is, as women we need to fix, comfort, heal...sorry to hear about your situation. Praying for strength and the ability to continue for you. God is good, even when we think he has forgotten. Keep us posted as you can. No apologies are needed for us. We understand! Love to you and your family.