July 25, 2013
It is 2 am here, and I've been up since 8 am. My bestie's bday was today...yesterday now...so there was lunch and finding a way to celebrate and then work and then sitting down and trying to figure out how to put a positive spin on my absence here for the last few weeks before coming to the realization that it just is what it is.
I'll sum it up quickly by saying that it involved being the caretaker...cleaning literal shit off the floor every morning, changing diapers and sheets while she lay there staring straight at me sucking down Dr Pepper letting me know another change would be happening almost immediately. It involved things I'm not capable of, things none of us should be capable of....the kind of sacrifice you make because you love, because you are also incapable of doing anything less. Even when the person you are doing it for is not the one laying in the bed throwing shit all over the floor.
And that best friend I mentioned a minute ago? There have been 3 deaths in her family in the last 3 weeks. For that I have absolutely no words.
I'm behind on pretty much everything. I've been slow to get packages out. I've been slow to respond to emails. I'm late on my bills. I'm late on the fish giveaway winner. I've sent every phone call that wasn't pertinent to right now real life straight to voicemail.
And I'm sorry for all of it, except maybe I'm not. Maybe I don't have the energy.
Except I'm tying this. So I guess I do, and I am.