December 15, 2014

Christmas 2014

Christmas is My Jam, y'all.
I have let it go by these last few difficult years
without much of a thought,
but I told myself when I lost my Nana
this summer that nothing, nor anyone, would ever
prevent me from celebrating the joy of this season again.

And I meant it.

So last Friday night Scott helped me put up my tree.
We had to restring all the lights twice
because I started the top strand backwards.

Because of course I did.
We laughed a little at that.

And then I asked him to leave
so that I could cry in private.

This is my daddy.

He died last week.

It looks like my best friend will be joining
me in the same loss very soon.

Her daddy went back into the hospital today.

I think the only thing keeping either one of us standing
is having to hold each other up.

I sit at my torch staring blankly at nothing.
I haven't made a single worthy bead
in a week.

I need the people in my life to have some joy, y'all.

That's the only way I'm going to find any.


December 6, 2014

Hi there, Saturday.

The maid finally showed up this morning....drug me out of bed at way too early thirty and proceeded to start washing clothes and cleaning things making it impossible for me to fall back asleep.  Across town a boy started texting right about the same time asking what time we could go get lottery tickets and sounding way more chipper in black and white than I'll probably feel in color all day.

So the kitchen now sparkles inside the appliances and out, but the floor is laying there being all tiley and mockey because the mop is still hanging around in its bucket tucked away in the closet and I'm sitting here being all master ignorer/procrastinator.   Because by maid I meant me and me might have had a couple of celebratory cocktails with the Lita last night.

A chunk of yesterday was a mix of What...the... and face palming.  I spent a few hours of it perched on one of those hard wood church style pews that you also find in courtrooms and while I understand a courtroom is probably not a place where one should expect to be cozy comfy, I can now check Get Splinter Butt off my life list.  Right after I add it.

Lita's ex, who I've also known for 30 ish years is  I don't really know what word to put right here.  R was once someone of whom I thought very highly.  Someone to whom I would have given a kidney had he needed it.  I guess I probably still would, but the good graces, he no longer resides there.  They've been court signed divorced for over a year, and there were a couple of orders from the Judge that R had a limited time to attend refinancing the house to get Lita's name removed.  He failed to do so.  Court yesterday?  He hired a very expensive lawyer and put his own negligence in front of the judge because...I have no idea why.  I can tell you this though, every person in the courtroom looked him with raised eyebrows, a mix of Bless His Heart and howcananyonebethatstupid?  So Meh.  Its over now and ended as it should have, which is why celebratory cocktails and also why my head is on sideways and there is fur growing in my mouth.   

I think I'm finished with the typing now.  There was never a point to this post save to waste my time...and apparently yours, too.

I have to do that mop thing and change out laundry.  I'm pretty sure if I go get super busy doing other actual cleaning things, the toilet will scrub itself.  I'll let you know.


Roll Tide, y'all!

December 5, 2014

We totally look related, and I'm the only one who looks happy about it.

I recently played a little FB game that involved going to Google, typing your first name and the word meme...and then posting the first picture you saw.   Some of them were quite funny and since I like me some funny I decided to play along.

I found Golem saying my name.

And I laughed out loud. 
A Lot.

Because last New Year's Eve
 I photobombed a couple of friends
and this happened~



December 4, 2014

And I happen to be an authority on the subject. So There.

Aeropostle was all "Hi There unsuspecting email reader!  50% off CLEARANCE PRICES!",  so I was like "Well Heck Yeah! Let me go look!"  A pair of sweats, 2 shirts, and a pair of sandals later...  LESS THAN THIRTY DOLLARS and that includes a Christmas present for my baby brother.    I totes rock.

My waiting on the postman list is long right now.  Glass, new torch tools, bead backing, Beadables from Karen Thomas, new biz cards, 2 pairs of closed toed shoes because other than boots I don't own any, Aero, and my main pressie to myself ~ Beach Body PiYo which according to the tracking is sitting at my local PO for delivery tomorrow which Yo!, my body ain't gettin' any beachier with them holding my Pi.

I'm sitting here typing right now while my belly is sitting here in my lap.  It is very unbeachbodyish,  y'all.
This is the first in a lot of years that I've had any breathing room at all to shop post Thanksgiving sales.   As design would have it, Glass and tools that have been on my wishlist for the same length of time hit the discount shelves.  I can't wait to play and grow.  It is something pretty amazing to be this excited about a job I've been doing for 12 years. 

But I haven't forgotten what destitution was like.  Stress is a killer, y'all.  Of the body, of the mind, a crusher of the creative spirit.  I had so many key people in my life telling me "Stop stressing!" for so long that, as much as I love them, they all started to take on the look of a punching bag walking around on 2 legs.  The advice was solid, but once you let that worry take root...well, y'all know.  You're alive, so you've dealt with it also.

I gave it to God so many times, again and again after I kept taking it back.
Here you go, Lord.
Psyche!  That's mine!
Okay here.  I want you to have it.
Wait.  No I don't.
Take it.

It will drive you crazy, and for some of us that is a short trip.  The horrendous break up a year ago finally broke me in a way that I couldn't have taken the stress of it back if I'd wanted to.  It made me question everything about my life, about my choices, about myself.  It was awful.  But it also made me realize just how strong my faith is, how loving my Lord is.  In the midst of the hurt and anger and fear there was always that quiet still voice inside assuring me that no matter my human frailty and failure, I am still good enough.   That experience changed me.  It planted me firmly in a place of peace and trust, where no matter what happens I once again Know that every little thing IS gonna be alright.  And that awesome far outweighed the awful of it all.

A lot has happened in the last year. Most importantly, I lost my Nana.  Everything that followed for 2 months is now sort of a blur.  Doing the estate sale and donations.  Cleaning out and up our family home.  Walking around those empty rooms and finally leaving my key as I walked out the door for the last time.  That was so hard, y'all.    I could never have done it had God not prepared me, had not first reminded me that He is always there.

Some of you are struggling right now.  Responsibilities, loneliness...whatever is burdening your heart please you are going through is only a stepping stone in your journey.  It is not final, but maybe in place to prepare you for the somethings to come.  The difficult somethings, the easy somethings, the sad somethings, the happy somethings. 

So do me a favor?



December 1, 2014

I didn't say I wasn't, either.

Beads were made last week, and these are my favorites.
Probably not because of the turquoise....


They sold too fast,
so I had to make another set of each.
Or 2.
I'm wearing the blue one today
because I accidentally remembered
how to make jewelry.


Oh Wait.
We already did!


I was packaging up some cabs for shipping this weekend

(Last day of the cab sale, y'all!)
(25% off with coupon code CABSALE)
and the seed beading bug bit making me nostalgic for the
days when I had the free time to do nothing but.
These days I have to fit it in after the beads are made,
cleaned, strung, photographed, sold, packaged, and shipped...
which means I get about an hour late at night before my eyes jump
out of my head and hide in a pillow case.

I do stand lustfully in my beading studio and stare at all the containers
housing 15 years worth of bead accumulation,
wanting to fondle each and every single one.

Stop looking at me like that.
I didn't say I was naked...